Sex with my partner used to be amazing – but now I can’t stay aroused

01-March-2022

I have trouble maintaining an erection after three times a week of sex. What can I do? I turned 50 in November and have been with my 59-year-old girlfriend for two years now. We have no arguments or stress outside of one issue. In the past eight months or so, our sex life has completely stopped. Three or four times a week, she suggests we have sex, but I cannot stay aroused, possibly due to overthinking, a lack of confidence or simply experiencing fear and anxiety(As a result of spending more time at home during the pandemic, I have grown slightly overweight). Our sex was wonderful at first; I could hold out for three to four of her orgasms. But then I began experiencing premature ejaculation and she too began experiencing issues. Now that these have all been resolved, it's difficult for me to maintain an erection. Originally, I thought the problem was physical, but I can masturbate as much as I want. Announcing, then showering, waiting, getting into bed, learning the rules and limitations, could be part of it; I think I need more spontaneity. I am struggling and I don't want her to think I am not attracted to her. You're suffering from "hot potato syndrome" as a couple - that's when one person gets sick, and the other starts getting ill as they recover. It's a habit that repeats to an indefinite extent.